Well the 2009 fifteens season has been done and dusted and no, the Kenya Cup trophy has not yet come home. In fact, for long spells of the season, the trophy seemed to drift further and further away into the horizon. But it has not all been bleak. The much dreaded molting process finally got underway in earnest under the watchful eye of returnee coach Sevens maverick Benjamin Ayimba. There were some exciting revelations as the season dragged on and the team seemed to move from one slaughterhouse to another. No doubting the effect a coach has on Machine.

With the introductions done, we would like to welcome you to the annual Mean Machine 15s awards gala. These awards are derivatives of the author’s personal opinions and a collection of random thoughts and drunken opinions by certain senior players in between bottles half full of legal brew and half of some concoction from a certain downtown establishment. Some should be taken seriously while some should be dismissed. But all of them are final.

Drum rolls……………

Most Valuable Player- strangely enough, this season, the planets stopped revolving around Wilson K’Opondo. And even more unbelievable, there still was light. An off season recruit from Nondies came into Machine seemingly without much promise especially considering that when it came to catching the ball, all his fingers seemed to turn into thumbs and he had the concentration span of a “kienyeji” chicken. However, as the pre season games picked up, Ian Were began displaying brute strength and stubborn running a la Rupeni Caucaunibuca that seemed to be potent. In his Kenya Cup debut, he briefly threatened to stage a one man demolition job against KCB by scoring two mind-blowing and stunning tries against the run of play which combined some neat footwork, swerving and decent pace with brute force. He sustained a good run of form throughout Machine’s disastrous run in the first leg and became the official go-to ball carrier for Machine in addition to K’Opo. Though he suffered the customary plateau phase, he managed to conquer the imagination of many Machine faithful and a breathtaking running display against Harlequins near the end of the first leg seemed to impress Ayimba enough to pen him into the national sevens squad. He was challenged by another rookie Evans Kyalo but he put daylight between himself and Kyalo with the national call-up.

Rookie of the year- the 2009 season was marked by an invasion of rookies from everywhere. And boy were they impressive. There was the brutish Dennis Omusula, lanky and deceptive Patrick Ndeda from Strathmore, Danial Mubeya, incisive and exciting runner Joel Maingi, ball poacher and donkey extraordinaire Elly Mukaisi and rotund front rower Antoine Ngera. However, one player stood out. Not physically though because he is too short to do so. Pocket rocket Evans Musili captured the imagination of the Machine faithful. The diminutive pouch of dynamite has a heart twice his body size and when Felix Wanjala succumbed to injuries, he put his hand up and slipped seamlessly into the shoes of the Kenya bound scrum half. With an impressive set of ball and contact skills and surprising heart in defense, he has been the darling of the team and has inspired confidence and belief among the new breed of Machine. He has combined well with all three fly halves throughout the season and is fast becoming a playmaker.

Most Promising Player – This was especially hard to decide given that this has been the year of the rookies. But among all the talented and versatile players in every team, there is always that one player whose determination to rise to the top of the food chain despite obvious physical and other limitations. At the beginning of the season, Elly Mukaisi was fighting for a regular second team place. He just did not feature in anybody’s plans for the season and during the pre season he was just a good enough replacement for the Ninjas. Or at least everyone thought so. If he was not meant to play for the first team, he certainly had not received the memo. Eight months into the season, Elly was finishing the season as Machine’s front runner for the number six jersey and was easily the smallest back row in a number of years at Machine. The scrawny flanker’s industrious toil during training allowed him to frog leap more established players and put him into an oversize number six jersey. He was put up for the biggest game of the season against Strathmore and was the new element in the season’s first victory. He thoroughly deserves his first team place and proves that dreams do come true and you can wear your pajamas and loafers and still be taken seriously.

Revelation of the year award- Fidel Sinei came out of nowhere or rather from the archives to steer the Machine ship to calm waters with his deceptive and delightful play at fly half.

Try of the year- So much to chose from, and all better than Conrad Ouko’s effort against KCB in 2008. One can take their pick from either of Were’s two stunning efforts against KCB for sheer individual skill and speed. Or Kevin Gachoka’s charge-down try against Strathmore at Impala for sheer dramatic effect. You can also include any of Fidel Sinei’s bizarre pinball tries against Harlequins and KCB. There was also the David vs Goliath effort by Kyalo against Mwamba at the close of the season but this time the best was saved for second last. Trailing by seven precious points to Strathmore at home and with seconds left on the clock, McDavis Mwenda latched on to a pop pass from David Ahawo and strolled through a gap in midfield. 60 metres out and with the fans screaming hoarse, he accelerated towards the line and swerved before feeding Peter Kepher a palm to the face and breaking clear for the line where he executed an emphatic swan dive to tie the game. The stuff that dreams are made off considering that he is a lock. There are rumours that Kepher saw something which scared him off. Clue: it rhymes with dig sick.

Tackle of the year: Brian Lidonde Napali put in a good one against Andrew Amonde at the Lion’s Den but the old master John Ouko upstaged him by submitting his entry for the stiffest arm in the world competition on Amonde’s chest. Against a Machine player, Were was on the receiving end of a sweet shot by Edwin Makori that knocked him into the following week. In-house, Elly Mukaisi was reminded just how much he weighs by Ouko at training when he ran at the base. But nothing compares to the double team hit on Salaton Mutwiri of Mwamba by K’Opondo and Ouko.

Carpenter of the year award for being on the receiving end of a stool- Ha ha ha. Oliver Mwenda took a nice one from Lawrence Buyanchi at Nakuru as did Duncan “Radius” Otieno from Pascal Wetukha. Strongman Ouko was floored by Kiptoo at home and Radius was on the receiving end of all manner of furniture during training. One can’t ignore the massive slam Mungai dished out on Ahawo. But the creme de la creme was when Kevin Gachoka tried to launch his wiry frame onto the path of a rampaging Humphrey Kayange at Mwamba. He was brought down to earth, literally, and left on his ass amidst a rising cloud of dust by a mighty fend that knocked the stuffing out of his game for the day. For the rest of the match, “alifunga shop”- under new management.

Bulldozer of the year- Oliver Mwenda against Ayub Ongoro of Mwamba.

The William Ruto “Mahindi” award for most capped substitute- For a captain and sevens cum fifteens superstar such as Wilson K’OPondo, he surely enjoyed a little too much action from outside the pitch.

Alfred Mutua Goof of the year award- He’s back! Nathan Olunga with a miss 2 pass to the touchline against Mwamba, and not for the first time. Closely followed by Dennis Omusula’s headgear moment against Nondies.

The David Beckham Free kick of the year award- Goes to Fidel Sinei for that outrageous grubber from the penalty-spot at Nakuru…….50 metres out mind you.

The “Nimecrack back” for all injuries real, imagined or alleged award-Mouto Mouto.

The Rio Ferdinand One Score in 5 seasons award- Finally, John Ouko scored in a Kenya Cup game.

Machine’s Top Comic- Steven Makori was just waiting to fill Wanjala’s standup comedy spot.

Zimbabwean Dollar award for worthless investment- Due to security and emotional considerations, this comment has been disabled by the user.

Coach of the year- Well……….Davis Makori (yours truly) gave Benjamin Ayimba a good run for his money but the latter had a decided advantage with ten years of professional rugby, another 4 as sevens coach, 2 world cups as coach and player, a few Safari Sevens titles, all that international recognition and fame, a few European Machines, IRB certification at levels one, two and three…………… OK,I see the point.

The Morne Steyn One man band award for individual score sheet- Fidel Sinei chalked up all 12 against Impala as did Were against KCB.